Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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