if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
