Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
