The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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