im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize