My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
