I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
