How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
