Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
