your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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