He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
