you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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