So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
