she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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