i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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