I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize