I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
