it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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