Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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