Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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