Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think i have two assholes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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