Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
