His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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