Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
birth control should be required to get into college
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
