Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
