my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
