how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
