So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
