I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
