Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize