So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
