I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
