Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
