Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
