My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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