I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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