The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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