Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
