I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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