you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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