i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize