I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
