i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
