When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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