You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
