Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
