Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
