Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
