Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
