I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
