The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
