Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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