Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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