i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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