and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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