and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize