Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
