before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
