the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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