we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize