This is not my ceiling
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
