Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
