Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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