I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
