It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
