I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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