A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
