There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
