last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
