I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
