I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
