I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you never un-have a 4some
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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