I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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