I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
