the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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