you would pick up someone in the library
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
