I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
