I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
