I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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