and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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