He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
