I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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