U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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