u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
