Im at strip club and am horny
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
