Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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