using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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